In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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