If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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