and she was petting her beer can
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
