I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
