the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
