I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
