I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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