Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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