Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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