sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
