Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
