wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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