Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
