So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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