If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
