Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
dude. I can hear the air.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
