so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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