I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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