We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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