singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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