A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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