If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
