You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
