We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think I sprained my soul last night
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
