we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
