I'm gonna have a badass scar
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
