his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
