anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
