forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
