why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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