I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
