i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
