i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
