he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
