What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I can feel your judgement through the phone
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
