Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
