You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
