clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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