I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
