all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
