I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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