I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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