Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
