He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
