my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
