Duck Duck Cougar?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
