another moral hangover. fuck.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
