My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
