i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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