sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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