I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
