Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
