i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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