mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
