Cold hands, warm shart.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
